Why Your Kids Need You More Than Their Friends

"But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord."

- Joshua 24:15

“You homeschool? But how will your kids get socialized?”

If you’ve been homeschooling for any length of time, you’ve probably heard this question more times than you can count. And let’s be honest—every time, it makes you want to roll your eyes just a little. Thankfully, homeschooling is no longer an unconventional idea. More and more families are realizing the incredible benefits of home education, and the old stereotype of the socially awkward homeschooler is finally losing its grip.

But let’s take a step back and ask a deeper question: What does good socialization actually look like? And more importantly, who should have the greatest influence over shaping our children’s hearts, minds, and character?

Who Should Shape Our Kids?

The world tells us that children need to spend most of their time with same-aged peers in order to develop proper social skills. But does that really make sense? Think about it—if you wanted to learn an important skill, like home remodeling, would you ask a group of clueless friends, or would you seek wisdom from someone with experience?

The same principle applies to raising children. In Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers, Dr. Gordon Neufeld and Dr. Gabor Maté explain that children naturally seek attachment and guidance. If they don’t receive it from their parents, they will turn to their peers. This creates a dangerous dynamic where kids look to one another for identity, values, and direction—despite the fact that they are just as inexperienced and immature as their friends.

As Christian parents, we are called to shepherd our children’s hearts and disciple them in the ways of the Lord (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). When children are immersed in peer culture, their primary influences shift away from their parents and toward the world. But when we cultivate strong, loving relationships with our children, we become their trusted guides. This is one of the greatest gifts of homeschooling—it allows parents to be the primary voice shaping their children’s character and faith.

Real-World Socialization: A Biblical Perspective

The assumption that children must be surrounded by peers to be properly socialized is flawed. In reality, true socialization happens in everyday life, across multiple generations and settings. Consider the example of Timothy in the Bible. From a young age, he was taught the Scriptures by his mother and grandmother (2 Timothy 1:5). He wasn’t shaped primarily by a group of same-aged peers but by the wisdom and instruction of godly family members. Because of this strong foundation, Timothy grew into a leader in the early church.

Instead of being limited to same-aged peers, our children interact with people of all ages. They learn to communicate with adults at the grocery store, hold conversations with elderly church members, and play with younger siblings. They experience real-world socialization every single day—whether that’s ordering their own food at a restaurant, talking with the parents of their friends, or serving in their community.

The Power of Intentional Influence

One of the greatest blessings of homeschooling is that it allows us to be intentional about who influences our children. Instead of letting the world disciple them, we get to:

• Model Christ-like behavior. When faced with a long airport delay, we can show our children how to handle frustration with grace instead of grumbling like the rest of the crowd.
• Teach them to serve. Our children can learn to love and care for others by spending time with babies, helping an elderly neighbor, or serving on mission trips.
• Expose them to meaningful conversations. When we bring them along to appointments, conferences, and Bible studies, they see firsthand how to engage in thoughtful discussions and ask good questions.
• Guide their friendships. Instead of being thrown into a sea of peer pressure, homeschooled children can form deep, meaningful friendships with others who share their family’s values.

The Long-Term Impact of Parental Influence

Children who grow up with strong parental attachment are more confident, secure, and prepared for adulthood. They don’t need to conform to peer culture to feel accepted because their identity is rooted in Christ and reinforced by their family. They develop leadership skills, critical thinking, and the ability to engage with a wide variety of people.

Of course, no parent is perfect. There will be challenges, and our children will make mistakes. But when we maintain a close relationship with them, we can guide them back to truth. Instead of letting the world shape their values, we can point them to Scripture, teach them wisdom, and equip them to be light in a dark world.

Socialization that Honors God

As homeschooling parents, we have a unique opportunity to shape our children’s hearts and minds with intentionality. We get to curate their social environments, expose them to godly mentors, and disciple them through life’s ups and downs. When our kids spend more time with us than with their peers, they are far more likely to adopt our values, rather than the shifting values of the world.

The world says kids need to be socialized by their peers. God’s Word says they need to be trained by their parents (Proverbs 22:6). As Christian parents, let’s embrace the privilege we have to be the primary influence in our children’s lives, pointing them to Christ and preparing them to shine His light wherever they go.

Key Points:

• Children will always seek attachment—if they don’t receive it from parents, they will turn to peers.
• Homeschooling allows parents to be the primary influence, rather than the world.
• True socialization happens in real-life interactions with people of all ages.
• Parental influence provides a strong foundation for a child’s identity, values, and faith.
• When parents invest in their children’s spiritual and social development, they equip them to stand firm in Christ.

By homeschooling with intention, we are not isolating our children—we are preparing them to impact the world for Jesus. And that is the kind of socialization that truly matters.